Does this sound familiar, something unfortunate happens or something from your past continues to haunt you, you feel like the world is against you and that you’re a victim of the world because everything seems to be fine for other people, you then start feeling sorry for yourself, and you’re stuck in self-pity, quick disclaimer, when I’m talking about victims in this article, I am referring to people that have the victim mentality, instead of people who are actually victims of some terrible event, the two terms are very different things, this article will go over why you should stop feeling sorry for yourself, and how to stop self-pity.
So why should you stop feeling sorry for yourself, when something bad happens, your gut reaction might be to feel sorry for yourself, it’s natural in some situations like say, if you get a non-contact injury, there’s nothing wrong with feeling sorry for yourself, but you have to move on quickly, the problem occurs when you’re stuck in that state for too long, and you are filled with self-pay, a quick search on google says that self-pity is excessive, self-absorbed unhappiness over one’s own troubles, when you feel self-pity, you try to attract attention and help to make you feel better, you want people to feel sorry for you, so that you feel better and so it validates your belief that the world is unfair towards you, once you experience this enough times, you end up strongly believing thoughts like you’re simply just unlucky, which brings me to the next issue.
feeling of self-pity
Another problem with feeling self-pity, is that you will avoid taking responsibility and taking action when you are feeling self-pity, you blame everything that happens in life on someone else or something else, people that are in a state of self-pity for too long, tend to not have any personal accountability, they tend to sabotage their goals because of self-pity the problem with this, is that you will never be able to self-reflect and improve yourself, if your work is not well received you should be looking for ways to improve it, instead of trying to play the victim, you shouldn’t be feeling sorry for yourself and telling yourself lies like the viewers don’t understand my greatness, there are a lot of things under your control and you need to take personal responsibility, so you can grow from your failures and eventually succeed, you’re not going to be able to have any success, by drowning in self-pity, and getting others to feel bad for you, so how can we stop feeling self-pity and move on with our lives.
here are 5 great methods to help you stop feeling sorry for yourself :
1. question your perception
Your emotional state strongly influences how you perceive reality, if you are happy, you mostly look at all the good things that go on in your life, if you’re feeling sorry for yourself, you focus on all the negative things going on, to help you move on, you should always question if your thoughts truly represent what is going on, ask yourself questions like was I always unlucky, and was the past week only filled with unfortunate events, and has anything positive happen recently, questions like those will help you sort out what is actually happening in reality, you might have had a great week with positive events, but a huge negative event smeared the week, this can allow you to adopt a more rational perspective on the situation.
2. channel your emotions elsewhere
This only works for some people depending on their mindset, but this can’t be very effective, every minute you waste dwelling on self-pity, is a minute you could have been spending on finding a solution to the problem, you can channel emotions like anger, at the perceived injustice towards finding a fix and moving on, not everyone can do this, so an alternative I would suggest, is to just relax and try to let those feelings pass, feelings come and go, unless you’re purposely holding on to them, once those feelings pass you can focus your attention on moving on.
3. practice gratitude
Although you can practice gratitude at any time of the day, I prefer and recommend doing it at night, because you get the chance to reflect upon everything that happened during the day, practicing gratitude is effective because you can’t feel self-pity and gratitude at the same time, self-pity comes with a sense of entitlement, and you believe that you’re entitled to better, on the other hand, gratitude is about thinking you have more than you need, practicing gratitude will help you feel a lot better, so you don’t feel dragged down by self-pity, to practice gratitude I recommend listing down three things you’re grateful for each day at night, I think that’s a good starting point but there are many ways to practice gratitude, so try finding something that works for you.
4. set a time limit for yourself
Feeling sorry for yourself isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it’s natural to feel that way, so you should be okay with it and embrace it, let yourself feel those emotions, but only for a certain period of time, the process will happen and take in all the emotions that come with feeling sorry for yourself, this is effective because you’re letting yourself feel those emotions, instead of bottling them up, if you bought up those emotions, they will come back and they can leak out in some nasty ways, spend some minutes and maybe up to an hour feeling those emotions and then they can slowly pass, after that, focus your attention on other things, like solving the problem.
5. talk to someone about it
Try to talk about what happened to you with some patient friends, who will listen and help you out, you want them to listen to you and offer a new perspective or try to come up with a solution, alternatively, if you really need to rant, tell them to let you rant, and let the emotions out before you try and find a solution, talking about what happened to you, can help you feel a lot better, and you can get a different perspective from the person you’re talking to.
Those are some great ways to move on after feeling sorry for yourself, it’s okay to take some time to feel those feelings, but don’t stay feeling sorry for yourself for too long, which method is your favorite leave a comment below, Thanks for sharing.